


Good Things Come in Twos

by Euterpe



Category: Mean Girls (2004)
Genre: Aaron Is a Good Bro, F/F, Rated T for (more than a) Tiny Bit of Swearing, Regina and Aaron BroTP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-26 19:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15669987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Euterpe/pseuds/Euterpe
Summary: Regina is playing Mario Kart with Aaron at his house when he asks her the question."So what’s up with this Cady Heron chick? Are you, like, in love with her or something?”Regina accidentally drives Luigi into a pool of lava before she pauses the game and shoots Aaron a panicked glare. “What the flying fuck are you on about?” she sputters.





	Good Things Come in Twos

**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe i started writing a gay mean girls fic smh
> 
> publishing this unfinished draft because i don't want it to disappear, will probably update if i think of more ways regina can be rude and gay

Regina is playing Mario Kart with Aaron at his house when he asks her the question.

"So what’s up with this Cady Heron chick? Are you, like, in love with her or something?”

Regina accidentally drives Luigi into a pool of lava before she pauses the game and shoots Aaron a panicked glare. “What the flying fuck are you on about?” she sputters.

He shrugs. “I dunno, you’ve been pretty obsessed with her lately. She’s, like, all you talk about when you come here.”

“I don’t—she’s not—” Regina pinches the bridge of her nose. “Okay, I wasn’t talking about her just now, was I?” 

Aaron snorts. “That’s because you were busy getting your ass kicked at Bowser’s Castle.”

“Excuse me, I was _clearly_  in the lead until Peach fucking blue-shelled me—”

“Anyway,” says Aaron, “Cady Heron. What’s going on with you and her?”

Regina scoffs. “There is no ‘me and her.’ Cady is just someone we—and by we I mean the Plastics—happen to be interested in for her budding potential. Not that your tiny, hormone-addled brain could ever understand, but just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m attracted to every new girl I talk to.”

Aaron has the audacity to laugh at her. “Regina, you wouldn't let 'just someone' get close to the Plastics. What do you _really_ think of her?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say," Regina nearly growls. "I just told you that I think she’s got potential to do well as a Plastic—she’s pretty enough, although her fashion sense could definitely use some help. She’s obviously smarter and more grounded than Karen or Gretchen, and she’s kind of a nerd even though she can sometimes be clueless and awkward, but in a way that’s sort of endearing. And I guess it’s cute how she's genuinely nice to people, or how she scrunches up her little nose when she’s thinking about something, or how her cheeks look like they’d be really fun to squish...” Regina trails off as her eyes widen in realization. She drops her game controller and gasps. “Oh, fuck.”

”Uh huh,” says Aaron.

Regina throws her hands into the air and storms out of Aaron's living room, presumably to freak out in the bathroom. When she doesn't come back after five minutes, Aaron decides he's not above unpausing the game and completing the race by himself while she's gone.

It's been twenty minutes by the time Regina finally reemerges, and Aaron has already moved onto Super Smash Bros because he had assumed Regina wouldn't want to play video games anymore after her little revelation. He's right; Regina stiffly slumps onto the couch next to him—if it's even possible to stiffly slump onto anything—and watches silently as Aaron's Jigglypuff beats up the computer-controlled Donkey Kong.

"So," says Aaron, once he has inevitably won the match, "do you wanna talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about," Regina hisses. She suddenly stands, then sits back down, then stands back up again. Aaron watches as she wanders into his kitchen, sifting through his cabinets like a jittery raccoon pawing through garbage. 

"Mom bought another bag of those salt and vinegar chips 'cuz she knew you were coming over," Aaron nonchalantly informs her. "They're in the pantry, in case you forgot. Second shelf from the bottom."

Aaron hears an irritated  _fuck you_ and some shuffling sounds followed by the creak of the pantry door before Regina returns with the family-sized bag of potato chips. She pops it open with a freakishly sharp fingernail and tears through the hole, as if the packaging itself had wronged her somehow. Aaron reaches over to steal some chips, but Regina stops him with a dangerous glare.

Aaron Samuels may be stupid sometimes, but even he knows never to provoke an emotional Regina George.

 

***

 

"How is it that I find out from  _Gretchen Wieners_ of all people that you've been sitting directly in front of Cady Heron in Calculus this whole time?"

There's silence on the line, as if Aaron actually has to think about it. "Oh," he finally says, "the redhead chick? _T_ _hat's_ Cady Heron?"

Regina rolls her eyes so hard that her head spins, which could also just be a side effect from all the frustration her nitwit of an ex-boyfriend is putting her through. "Yes, shit-for-brains, _that's_ Cady Heron. I was going to chew you out for neglecting to inform me you were within touching distance of her for weeks, but it looks like you were too stupid to even comprehend that, so I'm letting this one slide in favor of more pressing issues, you lucky dumbass."

"Okay..."

Regina hopes Aaron can hear her irritated sigh through the phone. "Here's the thing," she says. "Gretchen also told me that Cady is apparently, and I quote, '100% into Aaron Samuels,' meaning you, of course, which is totally unacceptable, so we're going to fucking fix it."

"Wait, Cady Heron is into me? As in, your gay crush Cady Heron?"

Regina is  _this_ close to throwing her cell phone out her window. "Yes, keep up, you Neanderthal. God, you're so slow it's like you're still learning how to make fire."

"Hey, I couldn't get the lighter to work _one time_ —"

"Cady Heron cannot fall in love with you," says Regina, "because she's supposed to fall in love with  _me._ "

Aaron is silent. Then he says, "Cool? I mean, that's definitely a step up from when you wouldn't even talk about your feelings for her last week."

"What feelings?" asks Regina, though they both know she's not fooling anyone. "Anyway, I was just on the phone with Cady an hour ago, and I told her I was okay with her liking you and that I'd even talk to you for her. Your job is to start talking to her a little more in Calculus—you know, get her warmed up enough so she'll say yes when you invite her to the Halloween party at Chris's house. When she sees me lay claim to you at the party, she'll know you're off-limits, and she'll be so crushed that she won't even think of falling in love for a hopeless cause. And in case she thinks I'll be tied down to you as your girlfriend, I'll get involved a bit with, say, Shane Oman, so she'll know I'm not completely serious about you. It's perfect!"

"Uh, Regina? Isn't that a little—what's the word? Convocated? Conventionated?"

"Convoluted?" Regina supplies impatiently.

"Yeah," says Aaron. "Don't you think Cady will think you're being mean to her by telling her one thing and doing another? Won't that hurt the chances of her wanting to be with you?"

"Clearly you don't understand the workings of a—"

"No, Regina, listen to me," says Aaron with unusual clarity. Miraculously, Regina shuts up. "I don't think this is a good idea. You're only going to hurt each other, and if there's anything I learned from my relationship with you, it's that hurting someone doesn't make you wanna be in a relationship with them. Why can't you, I don't know, be nice to her?"

"Excuse me, I'm nice to people all the time— _way_ more than they deserve, in fact—"

"Like, be nice and mean it."

Regina considers this. She can't believe she's listening to him right now. "I can't believe I'm listening to you right now," she says. "Also, I can't believe you're actually making sense. Next thing I know, Karen Smith will be graduating with a PhD from Harvard."

Aaron chuckles. "No offense, but you get kinda crazy when you're really into someone. Who else is going to help you see reason? Obviously not Karen or Gretchen."

"Right. Obviously," Regina deadpans. She sighs. "If you're so knowledgeable, Mr. Samuels, then how do you propose I be nice to Cady Heron?"

"Wait, if I'm actually helping you on this, then I get to use your membership card to that indoor sauna place for the rest of the year."

Regina grits her teeth. "One month."

"Two months."

"Fine, you fucking loser. Are you going to help me or not?"

 

***

 


End file.
